Six Years

Six years have passed since Mr. Chance left us. Some days it seems like just yesterday that we heard his laugh and looked at his beautiful blue eyes, with eyelashes that were longer than any I have seen.

We remember him every day, and miss him, and love him. Today I got to spend a couple of hours with my sister, Megan. We laughed and cried as we remembered Chance's brightness and joy and all of his crazy antics.

We looked through pictures and I found one that reminded me so much of Sophia's latest smiling habits.

Chance brought so much joy to so many people, and now that he is gone it is hard not to feel an achy hole in our hearts, especially for Megan. I loved reading through the beautiful obituary that my sister Lauren wrote because it captured who Chance was and what we all feel about him. We miss you Chance!

2002 ~ 2005 Chance Tyler Fulton blessed our family with his birth on Nov. 15, 2002. He departed this life on Oct. 19, 2005 after suffering in-tractable seizures since Sept. 26th. Although his life on earth was short, his influence is forever reaching. His death leaves a gaping hole in the hearts of his loving mother, Megan Wirthlin Cole, and his father, Tyler Kay Fulton. Our "almost" 3 year old was looking forward to celebrating his birthday. He loved superheroes, especially Spiderman, and wished he could be one. Chance proved himself these last 3 weeks with his superhuman strength and bravery ...he is truly a hero in our eyes. Chance loved to listen to music and to dance. He was his mommy's sweetheart, but his bright smile, beautiful blue eyes, and engaging personality made him everybody's baby. He enjoyed going to nursery at church and he loved to play with his cousins, who were his best friends. Chance found joy in all things, including throwing any ball around and watching his uncles compete in their sports. He liked to help his Grandpa Mike mow the lawn and hear his grandma sing. His grandma and grandpa just took him on his first camping trip, and he also got to visit his Grandpa Cole in San Diego, where he relished playing on the beach. He loved to ride on the bus and on the back of his mom's wheelchair. Chance was a strong-willed, stubborn little boy who made us laugh with his antics and smile at his joyful spirit. Now we mourn the absence of his little feet running, jumping and dancing. He never did anything half-way or half-speed. Chance is lucky to have a large family who loves and adores him. Chance also leaves behind many other loved ones and friends. The family would like to thank the wonderful staff at Primary Children's Medical Center, especially the fantastic doctors and nurses who cared for Chance. Chance, until we see you again, you will live in our hearts and memories, and our happy thoughts. May you rest in the arms of Jesus. 

In Memory of Mikayla

It's hard to believe that it's been one year since this sweet girl left us. I know that for our family it's been a hard year, seeking to understand and trying to heal. I've thought a lot this week about the covenant that I made when I was baptized to mourn with those that mourn (see Mosiah 18:9). Through this experience with Mikayla we have had many opportunities to mourn and grieve, but also to be comforted by people who are willing to mourn with us. I am convinced that one of the great blessings through all of this is the strengthened relationships that we have with Mikkie's parents and the rest of our family. 

Mikkie's parents wanted to spend some time today together with family members remembering some of the wonderful things about Mikkie. 

We met at Mikayla's grave this afternoon. It was a beautiful and sunny day, and although it was sad and hard, it was also so good to be with each other and draw on each other's strength. Laura's dad and Tim shared their thoughts and testimonies. We sang some primary songs (and finished with Mikkie's favorite: "I Am Like A Star Shining Brightly"). Tim also sang a beautiful song that he wrote to Mikayla. I was overcome by the evident love that Tim has for his daughter. I feel grateful that their family can be together again. My respect and admiration for Tim and Laura has grown a lot this year. They are strong and faithful and continue to lift others around them.  

Laura wrote a beautiful blog post (read it here) and encouraged people to do something productive with the sadness and grief that we feel, and forgive someone today. She suggested letting go a white balloon. 

Sophia didn't want to let her balloon go... but Ryan finally helped her release it.

Aren't the white balloons beautiful against the blue sky? I love what Laura wrote about why she chose white: "White symbolizes purity, cleanliness, truth...I also think of heaven and angels, reminding me of Mikkie."

Laura's sister found some live butterflies online and had them shipped to her overnight. Mikkie loved butterflies! Tammy made the correlation too that butterflies are a symbol of change... we are all changed because Mikkie was a part of our lives, and we are certainly changed with her death. I would like to work on using this experience to be different, in a better way. We opened up the envelopes (that had a little butterfly food in them--although I'm not sure what butterlies eat when housed in a wax paper envelope?) and let the butterflies go.  Some of them needed a little coaxing. We sort of expected them to all fly away quickly, but I think they were all still waking up. Many of them stuck around for awhile and landed on the flowers near Mikayla's headstone, sort of like they wanted to be around her for just a bit longer too.

Sophia's been making this funny face lately.... so Ryan had to make one too.

Mikayla also loved bubbles, so they had big bubbles for the kids to blow. I loved the determination on Faithy's face!

Everyone was fascinated with the butterflies.

Sophia loved the bubbles. Ryan said he could hear them popping when they hit her in the face.

Here is their sweet family... Laura, Tim, and Faith. We love them and continue to mourn the loss of sweet little Mikkie.  Laura's sister put together some little favor bags for the kids, full of things that Mikayla loved. Lip gloss and bubble gum for the girls and bubbles and bubble gum for the boys. Everyone worked really hard to make a really hard day good too.

These suckers were made by a friend of Laura's parents. It was just another example to me of the many ways that people have shown their love and concern for our family during this hard time.

This year has brought many opportunities to reflect again on the things that I know to be true... families can be together forever--Jesus Christ made that possible. The atonement is not just for forgiveness from sins, but also to help our hearts heal. We need to take time for the most important things--particularly cherishing the moments and experiences we have with our loved ones.

Thoughts on Grief

I recently finished a short book by C.S. Lewis called A Grief Observed. It includes some of his thoughts as he is mourning the death of his beloved wife. Grief is something none of us can escape--we all lose loved ones and mourn their absence. Sometimes our family members live a long life and sometimes their lives are cut tragically short through accidents or illness. Regardless of the circumstances, our hearts are broken to be separated from the ones we love. I loved a few of the passages from the book:

p. 21  "You never know how much you believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn't you then first discover how much you trusted it?"

p. 43  "Getting over it so soon? But the words are ambiguous. To say the patient is getting over it after an operation for appendicitis is one thing; after he's had his leg off it is quite another. After that operation either the wounded stump heals or the man dies. If it heals, the fierce, continuous pain will stop. Presently he'll get back his strength and be able to stump about on his wooden leg. He has 'got over it'. But he will probably have recurrent pains in the stump all his life, and perhaps pretty bad ones; and he will always be a one-legged man. There will hardly be any moment when he forgets it. Bathing, dressing, sitting down and getting up again, even lying in bed will all be different. His whole way of life will be changed. All sorts of pleasures and activities that he once took for granted will simply have to be written off. Duties too. At present I am learning to get about on crutches. Perhaps I shall presently be given a wooden leg. But I shall never be a biped again."

p. 47  "Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape... not every bend does. Sometimes the surprise is the opposite one; you are presented with exactly the same sort of country you thought you had left behind miles ago. That is when you wonder whether the valley isn't a circular trench. But it isn't. There are partial recurrences, but the sequence doesn't repeat."


When I read Lewis' writings, I feel like he has a grasp of pure truth.

Happy birthday Chancy Pants

Chance,

Happy birthday, little man! Today you would have turned eight years old. Even though you have been gone for five years we still miss you so much. I wonder what your personality would be like now... no doubt you would be inquisitive and happy and make everyone smile. I wonder what subjects you would like in school and what sports you might like to play. I wonder what music you would like to listen to and if the "Sound of Music" would still be your favorite show. I wonder if you would still love Spiderman and would still like to ride on the back of your mama's chair as she rolls down the street. We talk about you all the time and feel blessed to have had you in our family.  We love you!

Love,
Us

Grief

My sister Lauren has a gift for finding quotes.  She came across this one while reading a blog and shared it with me... I love what it says about grief and I hope that it helps me to be more sensitive to people who are going through that process. I want to check out the rest of the book too.

"Grief is not linear. People kept telling me that once this happened or that passed, everything would be better. Some people gave me one year to grieve. They saw grief as a straight line, with a beginning, middle, and end. But it is not linear. It is disjointed. One day you are acting almost like a normal person. You may even manage to take a shower. Your clothes match. You think the autumn leaves look pretty, or enjoy the sound of snow crunching under your feet. 

"Then a song, a glimpse of something, or maybe even nothing sends you back into the hole of grief. It is not one step forward, two steps back. It is a jumble. It is hours that are all right, and weeks that aren't. Or it is good days and bad days. Or it is the weight of sadness making you look different to others and nothing helps. Not haircuts or manicures or the Atkins diet.

"...Grief doesn't have a plot. It isn't smooth. There is no beginning and middle and end. There is no end."

-Ann Hood (from her book Comfort: A Journey Through Grief)

Sweet Mikayla

We are devastated and heartbroken with the passing of our sweet niece and cousin Mikayla. Just a few minutes can change everything. Please, please hug your babies and loved ones and cherish every moment that you have with them.