I'll be the first to admit that I have major anger issues.... just ask Coleman (who in his prayer the other day said, "Please bless mommy to not be angry at work...") or Olivia or Ryan who live with me and see how easy and often I fly off the handle.
I'll also be the first to admit that most of the things that I get angry about are small and insignificant and not worth the energy that I expend in feeling and/or acting angry. Of course there are some things that make me angry that I can totally justify (at least in my mind) but those are few and far between.
Today at work there were repeated small things and a few big things that happened that made me really, really angry. None of these things was consequential in any way and will not affect any other part of my life other than to make my work day stressful. I still chose to feel angry and express it to anyone who will listen to me--this of course results in my feeling even more angry than necessary. Even while I am ranting and raving I realize that it's not necessary to feel so angry, and then I get even more angry that I have felt angry at all in the first place. It's an ugly cycle I tell you.
Imagine my delight to find this gem in my mailbox when I got home from work today:
**What do you do to deal with your anger (aside from attending ridiculously expensive day-long conferences that teach you how to understand anger, understand anger-related disorders, manage anger, and explore more about forgiveness and the healing process)?
Monday, February 1, 2010
Anger Issues
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7 comments:
Isn't that one of the things book club is for?
In anticipation of a rough day yesterday I tried the physical therapy of smiling even if you don't feel like it, and what do you know, it worked! Now I think I understand why preschool teachers are so smiley.
I guess what I do is try to look at it in the long run. Will it really matter tomorrow? Is there anything I can do about it? How is it making me feel and am I the only one? Then I just let it go because I hate feeling like that. I, not to sound repetitive, sing a hymn. Yeah I know...original.
I also get irrationally angry about silly things. One thing I have started to do is I only allow myself one rant/vent. I find that the more I "vent" the angrier I get, yet at the same time, if I don't say anything it builds up. So, I allow one vent. That is it. It has really helped! And if it is something at home, i find I have usually forgotten about it by the time Jeremy get's home from work or the girls get home from school. :)
I think this happens to just about everyone at some time or another. A lady in my ward shared her secret with us when we got on this topic at a girls' lunch one day. She actually had to go to a therapist to learn about this. She holds her breath -- apparently depriving the brain of oxygen for 15-20 seconds helps de-fuse her anger. She said her magic number is 16 (seconds).
I swear to you it is a pregnancy related thing. Always can blame it on Hormones!
the thing I hate about dealing with my anger, is how I can actually FEEL myself making the choice to be act angry. And then I do it anyway? There is nothing wrong with feeling angry (I think..., I've never taken classes :o), but what we DO about it that counts.
In the aftermath, I say sorry and eat chocolate. What else can you do? :o)
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