Reflections

Although I don't have anything profound to write about this day, my heart is full as I remember the tragedy that occurred 7 years ago. I remember watching in disbelief as the second plane hit the World Trade Center and then learning of the Pentagon attack and the crash in Pennsylvania. Olivia was only a couple of months old, and I spent days glued to the TV, clinging to my baby, wondering how this could have happened and if or when they would strike again. I was terrified to think that this was the kind of world Olivia would grow up in. I read a post from my friend Vanessa today who lost close friends on one of the flights, and I was struck by how personal the attacks were for her and for so many others.

I have taken for granted the safety and security and abundance that I have enjoyed during my life. I have also taken for granted the relationships that I have with my family and friends and the blessings that come from those relationships.

Currently my sister Megan is very ill and the treatments don't seem to be helping her situation. Her choices and circumstances have made it so that she no longer desires to have a close relationship with the friends and family members that have supported her and loved her for so many years. I have spent a lot of time reflecting on if I have been there for her in the ways that I should have been. I feel that I have failed her in so many ways. Is there more that I could have done to make her life better and to help her be happier? Could I have somehow prevented any of the sorrow and difficulty that she has faced in her life? Is there any way I could have helped her make better decisions or choose pathways that would bring her happiness?

I realize that many things in life are out of our control, as we saw seven years ago with the attack on our nation, and as I see with Megan today. My biggest inner struggle as of late is to understand what my role is and to know what I can and should do to fill that role to the best of my ability.

If you are a person of faith, I invite you to pray for Megan that her body and spirit will be healed and that she will know that her family loves her. Megan has so much goodness in her and so much potential to share that goodness with others, I only hope that she can find that too.

This is Megan, looking truly happy, with her son Chance just before he got sick in 2005.